How to switch from Lei to tu politely
To switch politely from Lei (formal “you”) to tu (informal “you”) in Italian, the best approach is to ask for permission or wait for the other person to offer it. Common polite ways to do this include saying phrases like:
- “Can I use tu with you?”
- “We can use tu if you want.”
- “You can use tu with me! No problem.”
Typically, you start with Lei in formal or initial encounters. When the relationship becomes friendlier or more casual, either party—usually the older or higher status person—may suggest switching to tu by saying phrases like “dammi pure del tu” (“feel free to call me tu”) or “diamoci del tu” (let’s use tu with each other). 1, 3, 7
Using tu before this invitation may sometimes feel impolite, especially if the other person values formality, but Italians are usually understanding if you make mistakes. It’s safer to start with Lei and allow the other person to guide the switch to tu. Observing social cues and age or status differences helps decide when to switch appropriately. 2, 5, 8
Summary of polite ways to switch from Lei to tu:
- Start with Lei in formal or new interactions.
- Wait for or ask for permission to use tu.
- Use polite phrases such as “Can I use tu with you?” or “We can use tu if you want.”
- Follow the lead of the older or higher authority person to make the switch.
- Italians appreciate the respect of using Lei until invited to use tu.