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Proper greeting customs including la bise and handshakes

Navigating French Etiquette: A Must-Read for Learners: Proper greeting customs including la bise and handshakes
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Proper greeting customs in France include both “la bise” (cheek kisses) and handshakes, each used in different social contexts. Understanding when and how to use each not only shows cultural awareness but also helps learners navigate social situations with confidence and respect.

La Bise (Cheek Kisses)

  • La bise is a traditional French greeting involving light kisses on the cheeks, usually air kisses with a kissing sound rather than actual lip contact.
  • The number of kisses varies by region, commonly two (one on each cheek), but sometimes three or four. The side to start with may be the right cheek in many places or the left in some regions like Corsica.
  • La bise is typically reserved for people who know each other well (those who use “tu” form), such as close friends and family, or those introduced through mutual acquaintances.
  • Children often practice la bise with family members. At social gatherings, la bise can become an extended ritual.
  • When unsure, it is recommended to follow the other person’s lead to avoid awkwardness.
  • La bise conveys warmth, affection, and respect in social settings, but in professional contexts, it may be less common. 1, 2, 3, 4

Regional Variations and Cultural Nuances

France’s diverse regions influence the practice of la bise. For example, in Paris and much of northern France, two kisses (starting on the right cheek) are usual, while in Provence or Lyon, it is common to give three or even four kisses. Corsica famously starts with the left cheek. These differences reflect local customs and communal identity, so mimicking the local style signals respect and integration. Understanding these nuances also helps avoid social blunders, such as starting on the wrong cheek or giving the wrong number of kisses.

Gender and Age Considerations

While la bise is common among both men and women, men may sometimes opt for a handshake or a nod, especially in more formal or initial meetings. Between women, la bise tends to be more frequent and effusive. Children are encouraged to greet elders with la bise, reinforcing social bonds and respect within families and communities.

Handshakes

  • Handshakes are the standard formal greeting in France, especially in business or professional environments.
  • The handshake involves grasping the other person’s hand briefly, usually accompanied by one or two up-and-down motions with a loose grip.
  • Handshakes are used when meeting someone for the first time in a formal context, such as business meetings, interviews, or when addressing strangers formally (those on “vous” terms).
  • Women may be less likely to shake hands in some contexts, but it is generally acceptable.
  • The handshake historically symbolizes peace and mutual commitment and is a widely recognized professional greeting worldwide. 5, 6, 7, 8

Variations in Handshake Style

The French handshake tends to be lighter and briefer compared to, for example, the American handshake, which often emphasizes firmness. A typical French handshake lasts about two seconds and includes one to two quick pumps. Excessive grip pressure or prolonged handshakes can be seen as intrusive or awkward. In hierarchical settings, the senior person might initiate the handshake, signaling social dynamics at play.

When to Choose a Handshake Over La Bise

In professional contexts, first encounters nearly always call for a handshake. In recent years, especially post-2020 amid health concerns, some French workplaces have reduced physical contact, favoring elbow taps or verbal greetings. Additionally, when uncertainty arises—such as meeting older adults, strangers, or in multicultural settings—the handshake is the safer, more formal option.

Practical Tips for Using Greetings

  • Observe and Mirror: The easiest way to navigate French greetings is to observe the other person’s approach and mirror their gesture. This avoids uncomfortable moments and shows attentiveness to social cues.
  • Start With a Handshake If Unsure: When meeting someone for the first time or in ambiguous situations, starting with a polite, brief handshake is widely accepted. If the other person initiates la bise, then follow suit.
  • Listen for Language Clues: The use of “tu” versus “vous” (informal vs. formal “you”) often correlates with greeting style. Use la bise when “tu” is appropriate, handshakes for “vous.”
  • Health and Hygiene: Since 2020, some French people have temporarily modified greeting customs to reduce physical contact, favoring nods or verbal greetings especially in formal or new encounters. Being adaptable enhances social comfort.

Common Mistakes and Misconceptions

  • Too Many or Too Few Kisses: Giving only one kiss or more than customary can cause confusion or embarrassment. Ensuring the correct number (usually two) and starting side for a given region is key.
  • Misreading Formality: Offering la bise in strictly professional or first-time meetings may be seen as over-familiar or inappropriate.
  • Handshakes With A Strong Grip: A handshake too firm may come off as aggressive or uncharacteristic in French culture, where lighter contact is preferred.
  • Ignoring Context: Some learners assume la bise is always appropriate among acquaintances regardless of setting, but tone, occasion, and relationship status all matter.

Cultural Context and Non-Verbal Nuances

Beyond the gesture itself, greetings in France carry cultural messages: la bise communicates warmth, closeness, and personal connection, while the handshake signals professionalism and respect. The choice is not merely etiquette but part of conveying relational dynamics. Body language—including eye contact, smiling, and posture—supports these messages. For example, a la bise typically involves leaning in slightly and maintaining eye contact to affirm sincerity, whereas a handshake is more upright and formal.

Summary

La bise is a culturally affectionate greeting primarily used among friends, family, and acquaintances in informal social contexts, while handshakes serve as the standard formal greeting, especially in professional settings. Regional variations, gender dynamics, and social context heavily influence which greeting to use. Observing local customs, mirroring others, and recognizing social cues ensure appropriate use of these greetings. Active conversation practice incorporating such cultural subtleties accelerates real-world communicative confidence in French-speaking environments. 4, 8, 1, 5

References