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Proper greeting customs including la bise and handshakes

Navigating French Etiquette: A Must-Read for Learners: Proper greeting customs including la bise and handshakes
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Proper greeting customs in France include both “la bise” (cheek kisses) and handshakes, each used in different social contexts. The key rule is context: la bise is common in informal or familiar settings, while handshakes are the safer default in professional, public, or first-meeting situations.

La Bise (Cheek Kisses)

  • La bise is a traditional French greeting involving light kisses on the cheeks, usually air kisses with a kissing sound rather than actual lip contact.
  • The number of kisses varies by region, commonly two (one on each cheek), but sometimes three or four. The side to start with may be the right cheek in many places or the left in some regions like Corsica.
  • La bise is typically reserved for people who know each other well (those who use “tu” form), such as close friends and family, or those introduced through mutual acquaintances.
  • Children often practice la bise with family members. At social gatherings, la bise can become an extended ritual.
  • When unsure, it is recommended to follow the other person’s lead to avoid awkwardness.
  • La bise conveys warmth, affection, and respect in social settings, but in professional contexts, it may be less common. 1, 2, 3, 4

In practice, la bise is less about romance than about social closeness. It can happen between women, between men and women, and in some circles between men who know each other well, but it is not automatic in every group. In many mixed or large gatherings, people may greet only some guests with la bise and others with a handshake or a verbal greeting, so the custom can feel fluid rather than fixed.

The timing matters too. La bise usually happens when arriving, not leaving, and it is often done quickly as part of a chain of greetings. If several people are present, the sequence may start with the host or the most senior person in the room, then continue around the group. Lingering too long can feel overly intimate, while stepping in too early can create a collision, so pausing for a second and observing the other person is often the safest move.

A few practical points help avoid mistakes:

  • Do not assume la bise in a strictly professional first meeting.
  • Do not move in for a hug unless the relationship is clearly close enough for it.
  • Do not worry about perfect precision; the custom is social, not choreographed.
  • If the other person extends a cheek, mirror the gesture calmly and naturally.

Because French greetings depend so much on context, listening for the form of address helps. The use of “tu” often signals familiarity, while “vous” usually signals distance, formality, or respect. That said, language and greeting style do not always match perfectly, so the safest guide is still the other person’s behavior.

Handshakes

  • Handshakes are the standard formal greeting in France, especially in business or professional environments.
  • The handshake involves grasping the other person’s hand briefly, usually accompanied by one or two up-and-down motions with a loose grip.
  • Handshakes are used when meeting someone for the first time in a formal context, such as business meetings, interviews, or when addressing strangers formally (those on “vous” terms).
  • Women may be less likely to shake hands in some contexts, but it is generally acceptable.
  • The handshake historically symbolizes peace and mutual commitment and is a widely recognized professional greeting worldwide. 5, 6, 7, 8

In French workplaces, handshakes are often brief and matter-of-fact. A firm but not crushing grip is normal, and the gesture is usually shorter than in some English-speaking settings. In a daily office routine, people may shake hands when arriving in the morning, especially in smaller teams, but this is not universal and can vary by company culture, region, and seniority.

Handshakes also pair naturally with formal speech. A person entering a meeting room might say Bonjour, followed by a handshake, and then move into the topic at hand. In interviews or official settings, the handshake can serve as the opening signal that the interaction is polite, controlled, and professional.

One common mistake is trying to combine too many greeting styles at once. A handshake and la bise at the same moment can feel awkward unless the social relationship clearly calls for it. Another is overestimating how much physical contact is expected. In France, a calm, brief greeting is usually better than an enthusiastic one.

How to choose between la bise and a handshake

A simple decision rule works in many situations:

  • Use la bise with family, friends, and people in your social circle when the atmosphere is informal.
  • Use a handshake with strangers, professional contacts, and anyone in a clearly formal setting.
  • Wait and mirror the other person if the situation is ambiguous.

If a room contains both close acquaintances and new contacts, greetings may split by relationship. Someone may receive la bise from one person and a handshake from another within the same minute. That flexibility is normal and does not signal inconsistency; it simply reflects the level of familiarity in each relationship.

For language learners, the useful skill is not memorizing a rigid rule but recognizing the social signal behind the greeting. A learner who can pair the right greeting with Bonjour, Bonjour madame, or Enchanté(e) will sound much more natural than someone who knows the vocabulary but misses the social context. Active conversation practice helps this kind of situational judgment develop faster than passive study, because the learner has to react in real time to tone, distance, and body language.

Common mistakes

  • Starting too early: leaning in before the other person has clearly signaled la bise.
  • Choosing the wrong level of formality: offering a cheek kiss in a business meeting or a stiff handshake in a warm family setting.
  • Forgetting regional variation: assuming the number of kisses is the same everywhere.
  • Treating one custom as universal: France has strong regional and social differences, so local behavior matters.

Summary

La bise is a culturally affectionate greeting primarily used among friends, family, and acquaintances in informal social contexts, while handshakes serve as the standard formal greeting, especially in professional settings. When in France, observing the social context and following the local lead helps navigate between these greeting customs effectively. 4, 8, 1, 5

A good practical rule is simple: greet warmly, but not too familiarly, until the other person shows the preferred level of contact. That balance keeps the interaction polite, natural, and easy to read in both French social life and French professional settings.

References