Proper greeting customs including la bise and handshakes
Proper greeting customs in France include both “la bise” (cheek kisses) and handshakes, each used in different social contexts.
La Bise (Cheek Kisses)
- La bise is a traditional French greeting involving light kisses on the cheeks, usually air kisses with a kissing sound rather than actual lip contact.
- The number of kisses varies by region, commonly two (one on each cheek), but sometimes three or four. The side to start with may be the right cheek in many places or the left in some regions like Corsica.
- La bise is typically reserved for people who know each other well (those who use “tu” form), such as close friends and family, or those introduced through mutual acquaintances.
- Children often practice la bise with family members. At social gatherings, la bise can become an extended ritual.
- When unsure, it is recommended to follow the other person’s lead to avoid awkwardness.
- La bise conveys warmth, affection, and respect in social settings, but in professional contexts, it may be less common. 1, 2, 3, 4
Regional Variations and Etiquette Tips
The regional differences in la bise extend beyond the number and starting side. For example, in Paris and much of northern France, two kisses are customary, while in parts of Provence or Lyon, three or even four kisses may be exchanged. Knowing this can be especially useful for language learners aiming to integrate culturally. Additionally, while la bise is generally a playful and warm gesture, it is important to maintain a certain level of decorum — the kisses should be light and not too close to personal boundaries.
A common misconception among learners is to assume la bise involves actual kissing with lips touching, which can cause discomfort. Instead, the gesture mimics the motion and sound of a kiss without mouth-to-cheek contact, emphasizing respect for personal space.
Social Context and Appropriate Timing
La bise is usually exchanged upon meeting and sometimes when parting; however, in larger gatherings, greeting everyone this way may be time-consuming. In casual social circles, it’s common to greet with la bise individually, even when entering or leaving a room. Not doing so can sometimes signal aloofness or formality, which might create subtle social distance.
Handshakes
- Handshakes are the standard formal greeting in France, especially in business or professional environments.
- The handshake involves grasping the other person’s hand briefly, usually accompanied by one or two up-and-down motions with a loose grip.
- Handshakes are used when meeting someone for the first time in a formal context, such as business meetings, interviews, or when addressing strangers formally (those on “vous” terms).
- Women may be less likely to shake hands in some contexts, but it is generally acceptable.
- The handshake historically symbolizes peace and mutual commitment and is a widely recognized professional greeting worldwide. 5, 6, 7, 8
Handshakes in Detail: Variations and Cultural Comparisons
French handshakes tend to be lighter and quicker compared to those in some Anglo-Saxon cultures like the United States, where firm grips are more common. For language learners and travelers, understanding this gentle approach can prevent misunderstandings — a too-strong grip might be perceived as aggressive or insincere.
Another notable point is that unlike some cultures where handshakes can be prolonged or accompanied by additional gestures (such as a pat on the back), French handshakes are typically concise and straightforward.
When to Choose La Bise vs. Handshake
In a social setting, the choice between la bise and handshake can signal the degree of familiarity and intimacy:
- Among close friends and family, la bise is preferred.
- Among acquaintances or in semi-formal settings, the choice depends on mutual familiarity or social cues.
- In formal or business contexts, a handshake remains the safer and more appropriate option.
Language learners should note that initiating a handshake in a casual context where la bise is expected (or vice versa) might unintentionally convey distance or unfamiliarity. Observing the group dynamics and mirroring local behavior is key to blending in comfortably.
Common Mistakes and Pitfalls
- Overextending la bise: Trying to la bise everyone in large group settings without clear familiarity can be perceived as intrusive.
- Incorrect number of kisses: While not a serious faux pas, using the wrong number of kisses might reveal a lack of local know-how, which could be a minor social embarrassment.
- Missed cues for formality: Using la bise in professional meetings can sometimes be seen as unprofessional or too informal; erring on the side of handshakes is advisable.
- Not making eye contact: Both in handshake and la bise, avoiding eye contact may come across as insincere or uncomfortable.
- Ignoring gender and age dynamics: Some older people or conservative social circles may prefer handshakes over la bise, especially with strangers or in mixed-gender situations.
Non-Verbal Communication and Greetings
French greetings are as much about non-verbal cues as the physical gestures themselves. Facial expressions, tone, and body language play a big role:
- A warm smile enhances the friendliness conveyed through la bise.
- Slight nods or small verbal greetings (“Bonjour”, “Salut”) often accompany the physical greeting.
- Maintaining an appropriate distance before initiating la bise or handshake helps gauge comfort levels.
Comparison to Greeting Customs in Other Languages
For polyglot learners, understanding French greeting customs is especially valuable when comparing them to German, Spanish, or Italian etiquette practices:
- In Germany, handshakes dominate formal greetings, while cheek kissing is less common and usually reserved for close friends or family.
- In Spain and Italy, cheek kissing is very common in both social and some informal professional settings, often involving two kisses but can vary regionally.
- In Russian, cheek kissing is rare as a greeting outside family and close friends; handshakes or verbal greetings generally prevail.
- In Japanese and Chinese cultures, bowing replaces physical contact greetings, with handshakes becoming more common in international business.
Knowing these cultural contrasts helps learners adjust greetings appropriately when switching languages and countries, avoiding awkward cross-cultural mistakes.
Summary
La bise is a culturally affectionate greeting primarily used among friends, family, and acquaintances in informal social contexts, while handshakes serve as the standard formal greeting, especially in professional settings. When in France, observing the social context and following the local lead helps navigate between these greeting customs effectively. 4, 8, 1, 5 Attention to regional variations, social familiarity, and non-verbal signals enriches language learners’ understanding and supports deeper cultural integration.